Beautiful

The day was clear, "No snow today", She thought as she walked out of the gate. Therewas a soft breeze with a chill that brushed her cheek. Letting out a sigh, she conintued up the side-walk toward the bus stop. The bottoms of her pants dragged behide her making a sound the reminded her of the sand at the beach. More high school students began to show up as she waited for the bus. On Fridays, the bus driver seemed to take his time and always tricked the the students of where he was going to stop to let them on. Flashing lights turned the corner, for once the bus was on time. Today, all she couldthink about was him, it seemed worse than the other days. She took the three steps up onto the bus then worked her way to the back, taking a seat she stared out the window. The bus rolled on and she sat still looking out the window with questions in her eyes.Very few people understood her, and he was one of them. It had been six months sinceshe had last talked to him. With the problems between his older brother and her oldersister, they were held apart with no way to talk to each other. The sweet words he had last said to her played in her head over and over again like a broken record, " I want to be there when you're sad, hold you when you cry, be your one bone that will never break, and the kiss that never comes off your lips, I love you." Those words seemed so easy for him that night. "He's just a memory now." She whispered to herself. She wanted to forget him, he left on his own once who's to say he wouldn't do it again? Her sister tried to hook her up with other guys but it was hopeless. If she wasn't with him, she wasn't with anyone.The bus stopped infront of her highschool hell. With another sigh, she stood and walked to the front of the bus, taking the three steps down. She stood on the side-walk and stared up that the old builing as if she were the three foot woman looking up at the seven foot giant. Everyday she would stare that building wishing she could go home, but knew she couldn't. It was hard for her to wake up in the morning to find herself in tearsagain. The bell rang causing her to jump. She knew she had to go inside now. In the halls, she twisted and turned through the maze of people as they had all the fun without her. Another bell rang, telling the students they had five minutes to get to class before beinglate. The halls cleared quickly, and before she knew it, she found herself alone once again. She hated being alone, slience frightened her. His words grew louder, and she was going to be late. Taking the stairs that turned this way and that, she began to think of him again. "What if he was with someone else? What if he had stopped waiting for her?" The questions popped in her head making her heart drop. She missed the wieght on the other side of the bed, his rough hands that brushed her skin, velvet lips against hers, and the steady heart beat when she laid her head on his chest passing the minute away together. She sat on the steps, placing her bag next to her and hung her head in her hands. She decided she wasn't going to go to class today. "I can't keep doing this." She whispered. Tears began to fall down her cheeks, taking her mascara with them. She stood then picked up her bag and began to walk down the twisting stair case. Once outside she looked at the sky, as if to ask where to go next. "Excuse me? Can you tell me how to get to room 113?" A voice came from behind her. She knew that voice as if it were from a dream. She turned with mascara tatooed on her cheeks. He stood there, just like her dreams. "This isn't real, this isn't real. Wake up, wake up." She repeated, placing her hands on the side of her head as if to stop it from spining and closed her eyes. "Oh my god-" He whispered. She felt his rough hands against her face. Slowly, she lowered her hands and looked up at him. His eyes held her, unable to look away. His lips met hers,causing her knees to grow weak. Catching her, he held her close like he would neversee her again. He pulled away and looked down at her.
Wiping the tears away he whispered, "Beautiful"

As If They Wanted This To Happen

He had wished this day would never come, the day he had found her closing her legs around his best friend, Kris. He sat on the bed which they had been caught in their sin. The small black box he held in his hand fell to the floor, causing it to open. The small silver ring still in its place. The last four years had turned for the worst. What was he thinking, this wasn't the first time he had found her with another man. People never change. He didn't want to marry a woman that didn't love him enough to keep her hands to herself and off of other guys.

He thought about Kris. They had grew up with each other, how could he do this to him? Kris new how much he loved Gwen. "So much for best friends." He whispered to himself.

He picked up the phone and began to dial Jenny's number, Kris' girlfriend. He had to tell her. Even though he had never call the number before he knew it by heart for some reason.

The line only rang twice before Jenny's voice answered him. "Hello?" He voice warmed him, and he liked it.

"Jenny, I need to talk to you and I don't think it should be over the phone." His voice was quiet and deep.

"Who is this?" He voice worried.

He took a deep breath then answered her, " Its Matt. I need to talk to you about Kris.
"
She didn't speak for a moment then said, "I'll be there in a minute. Bye." And with that she hung up.

He placed the phone on the night stand and walked to the living room. Jenny lived only a few blocks away, so he wouldn't have to wait long. A picture of Gwen stood on top of the fire place. He slowly walked over to it and rubbed her paper cheek. Rage arose in him. His grip tightened around the picture frame. The fire called to him. "Give her here. I'll take care of her." It seemed to say to him. He threw it in the fire and as it began to burn, he began to see through new eyes.

A soft knock fell upon the door. "Come in." He said loud enough for Jenny to hear. Slowly she opened the door and stepped in. He had never noticed how beautiful she was till now, he was looking through new eyes and he saw things clearly. Her blond curls hung down her back, her deep green eyes seemed to keep a hold of him against his will.

"What's going on, Matt?" Her voice shook with worry.

"Sit down. I'll tell you." His eyes were back on the fire that was once calling to him.

She sat on the black leather couch then looked up at him, waiting for him to talk, to move. to do anything. Finally he looked at her then walked to sit next to her. One again her deep jade eyes wouldn't let go of him.

"What is it?" Her voice no more than a whisper.

How could he put this into words? How could he be telling this to her? He didn't want to hurt her, but she had to know.

He cleared his throat then said, "Where was Kris tonight?"
Jenny thought for a moment before speaking. "He was working over time." Matt shook his head. "He was here, with Gwen." He paused before going on. "I caught Kris and Gwen in bed together. I don't think this was the first time they have slept together, Jenny.
"
He couldn't replace Gwen's face when he had walked in. It was not hurt, or shocked, or afraid, but it was as if she had wanted this to happen.

Jenny sat there in disbelief. Tears stung her eyes. He couldn't believe he had told her.

"I-I don't understand." She whispered. "Why...." She asked, but it was not a question for anyone to answer. Matt held her close, he knew how she felt, but at least she didn't see it with her own eyes. Her tears stained his shirt, but he didn't mind. He liked the feeling of holding someone smaller and more fragile than him.

She laid her head on his chest and whispered, "Can i stay here tonight? I don't want to face Kris. Not now..." She broke into sobs again.

"Of course, you can Jenny." He stood and walked to the hallway closet for a pillow at blanket for her. Once she was settled in her make-shift bed, he turned for his own room.

"Good night, Matt." She whispered, but he did not answer.

He tossed and turned, trying to sleep, but he could not. A soft tapping came from the other side of his bedroom door. Jenny slowly opened the door then whispered. "I can't sleep.
"
"What's wrong?" He sat up just a little.

"Can i lay in here with you? I could hear you tossing and turning.
"
He thought about it quickly then answered, "Yeah, of course." He moved over in the sheets.

She climbed into his bed, just like a young child climbing into bed with its parents. Once she was settled, she whispered, "Kris never let me lay in bed with him." Matt thought about it.
What kind of boyfriend doesn't let his girlfriend sleep in the same bed as him?
With out thinking a question escaped his lips, "Did he ever tell you he loved you?" He wished he could take those words back.

"Come to think about it, he never did." Even in the dark he could see the tears run down her cheeks. He held her close once again.

She looked up at him. "Why are you so good to me?" How could he answer her if he didn't even know the answer.

"I don't know, i guess I just like the feeling of taking care of someone." He stared at the ceiling at she yawned and laid her head on his chest. He looked down at her and in a flash his lips met hers and he was enjoying it. Jenny leaned in as if she wanted this as much as he did. She moaned softly as the bedroom door opened and Gwen stood in the door way, shock written on her face. Jenny pulled away as Matt sat up and smiled at Gwen as if he wanted this to happen.

The Modern Day Romeo and Juliet

Just one more line, he thought, just one more line and I'm done for good. The drugs had taken over his life, and had taken everything from him. The love of his life had walked away from him. Her words played in his head day after day, "I can't handle watching you like this. It's me or the drugs." She had told him just moments before she had packed her bags and left. She called once a month, every month, to see if his act had changed. She loved him, he knew that, but every time she called he was in wonderland, walking hand in hand with acid and many lines of coke. He tried to get her out of his head, drinking the nights away and walking up to a face of a stranger. Rehab had crossed his mind, but this thought was quickly followed by another line, another pill, or another shot of Tequila. The phone rang. "Time for another call already?" He whispered to himself. One more ring, one more line. "Hello?" He answered. "Hi honey." She warmed him with a voice he missed so much. "Hey." He held his breath, waiting for anything to happen. "I'm coming to get you tomorrow, I'm taking you to rehab." She stopped and waited for him to say something, but in return she got nothing. With a sigh, she went on, "Its been one year since i left and this drug problem has just gotten worse." One more line. He had nothing to say, he wasn't going to try to change her mind, or try to talk her out of it. He knew he needed help, but most of all he needed her. "Well, be ready at two o'clock. I'll be there to pick you up. Bye. I love you and always will." With that said she hung up leaving him to a dial tone. One more line, another shot of Tequila. Candy colored clouds carried him away then darkness. When he awoke, she held him in her arms. Tears had taken her make up with them as they ran down her cheeks. "Baby..." He whispered as he wiped away the tears. Her eyes fluttered open and her light jade eyes held him. She smiled a sleepy smile. "How long have you been here?" He whispered, his hand still on her cheek. "A couple days.... I guess." She yawned. He had blacked out before but never like this. She laid her head on his chest and cried again. "What's wrong honey?" He whispered in her ear. "This is how things use to be, just like this. I miss it. I miss you. I miss the old you." She sat up, her auburn curls hung in her face. She looked at him, "Start packing, I'll be back in an hour." She kissed his lips then walked away. He sat up and looked around. He hadn't been in his room for weeks. He reached for a small bag of Special K that he hid be hide his alarm clock. One more line. This would be the line that was too many for him. She found him face down in the pillow, cold. He had let the addiction control his life. She held him close and cried the night away. "This is my fault!!!" She screamed. A gun called to her from the top of the dresser. Just one shot, and she was done.The modern day Romeo and Juliet.

Shoots and Ladders

Ever had a day that feels like a roller coaster? Highs and lows? When you hit rock bottom, there's only one place to go right? Up? Or can you stay in the eternal hole of your lowest point? How long will it take to crawl your way out of this one.... Can you start over new?
Love is like a million fireflies trying to get your attention, flying in your face, yet you swat them away. Once you take a step back and look and the small lights, you notice you are smiling, what happens when those million little lights are so bright that they blind you? You can't see past the lights, you don't notice you are about to fall.
Thoughts flow from my hands as I write this. Many people helped with this blogs creation. Why is it when I'm so low that I have to look up just to see the ground, that some of my best writings happen? Why can't I write when happy, not sad? Yet wave after wave, the sadness swallows me whole without a second thought. Some day, when I can look back and laugh at this, maybe, just maybe, I can write a happy thought on this wall of scrambled words.
Depression cannot be explained. It happens gradually then suddenly. Before you know it, you're begging him not to you, to let you in to his life so you can wipe away the tears and be happy, if even just for a second. This is when you know you are a game piece in the game of love, once you are in it, there is no turning back. Maybe one day you will win a prize along the way the game board. Just think of it like shoots and ladders, sometimes you win others you lose.... Right now I'm losing.